"So the last will be first, and the first will be last" Mathew 20:16

Blog Post #2: So the last will be first, and the first will be last – Mathew 20:16 Nov. 10 2022

It is no secret that I was born and raised around the Catholic church. I do not claim that my feelings are a direct result from the church teachings or just some notions I inherited based on the people I surrounded myself with but thinking back, I had such an immature and selfish idea of God and the church, starting with the idea that only people who lived a good life should be allowed in Heaven.

I used to laugh at people who claimed to be “saved” or “born again.” It used to make me cringe when people asked if I was saved! I thought it was such a pretentious self-righteous act to ask others that deeply personal and private question. I know now it was because I didn’t quite fully understand what it meant to receive God’s grace.

For as long as I can remember, I struggled with the idea that anyone can enter the kingdom of Heaven- murderers, pedophiles, and such. I didn’t believe that a person like me would be doomed to spend eternity with the likes of “those” sinners. Boy did I have a lot to learn!

I truly believed that the ONLY way to heaven was going to church every Sunday, trying to complete as many good works as possible, and covering myself in holy water. Now, I do still love my holy water- but I see things a bit differently.

In the book of Mathew chapter 20 vs. 1-16, Jesus uses a parable of the Workers in the Vineyard to explain God’s generosity- which helped me realize I have been wrong all those years!

*Quick summary: early morning, a landowner goes out to find workers for his vineyard. He agrees to pay them a day’s wage. He goes out in the afternoon, finding more workers agreeing to pay them a fair wage as well. Finally, he goes out near the end of the day, hires more workers and again, agrees to pay them a fair wage. When the day is done, he pays all of his workers the same pay, regardless of when they started. The ones who started in the morning grumbled, feeling like they were cheated since they were paid the same wage as those who worked less. They had no right to dispute someone else’s generosity. Jesus said, “So, the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

The bible tells us there is rejoicing in Heaven even if just one person repents and is saved. It does not matter what they have done, or if they are 16 or 85. We can never be saved because of anything we ‘ve done- ONLY because of what Jesus has done. So this took some deep prayer and serious humbling for me to understand that even though I might not be considered the “worst of the worst” in society, I am an equal sinner- not worthy enough of Heaven.

I have always loved Jesus- even as a little girl- but the moment I realized that a church is a place for the sick and not the self-righteous, I was truly “saved.”

I pray for those who are struggling with a feeling of insecurity- they do not feel worthy of God’s love. Maybe the feeling that they have sinned too much or are afraid they are too far gone. Lord, please wrap them in your love and mercy so they too will be made new, and they may see the world in a different light, and even though NONE of us deserve it, receive your forgiveness and grace. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

*Reminder:

Now I'm alive to tell the story

How I’ve overcome

It’s His goodness and mercy

And the power the blood

I'm so glad that my freedom

Wasn’t based on what I’ve done

But His goodness and mercy

And the power of the blood

Was the cross meant for me?

That my Savior carried

Now I’ve been made free

By the mercy of God

-Ben Fuller