He Loves Me Anyway

First let me say- I have no fancy testimony. I have known Jesus since I was little bitty. Have I stayed on the right path all these years? Unfortunately, no. I should not feel shame, but I do. I should not feel embarrassment, but I do. God tells us to come to him and lay everything at his feet, and trust me, I do WEEKLY! But sometimes I can’t help but still feel unworthy of his love.

The simple thought that God can hear my thoughts, terrifies me. How can I show my face in church every Sunday or any Sunday for that matter. I stand next to others that seem so put together and pure. The love of Jesus is written all over their faces, their raised hands, and their loving smiles. I am so focused on finding the perfect seat in the balcony so that I won’t be too close to someone or accosted by their cologne, that I miss opportunities to smile back and love on others. God must be disappointed in me, right?

My gut reactions are always the same. I get frustrated because of how distracted I am by the babies crying, people shouting “AMEN”, people scrolling through Instagram on their phones, and sometimes by the freaking hats people are wearing! The first 5 minutes of my arrival consists of contemplating my early exit. I am truly a sad case.

Then, the worship music begins. One of our worship leaders once said that sometimes she just stands there, not moving or lifting her hands in worship until she knows her heart is ready. Sometimes, I find myself going through the motions, and I think about that. I think that those words I am singing mean something to God, so if they are coming out of my mouth, I better mean them! But sometimes, I feel like a fraud. I certainly mean them at 10:35am Sunday morning, but at 5:00 Sunday evening, I can’t stand humanity all over again. So, what in the devil is wrong with me? I still don’t know. Something inside is broken, but I am working on it.

I picture the obligatory fork in the road. One side is filled with sin, anxiety, anger, sickness, while the other is overflowing with the love of Jesus. So, why do we seem to take the wrong one? And I don’t mean sometimes, I mean ALWAYS. I start out on the wrong path. I run and skip and jump on the wrong path! I run like a 2-year-old child who just wiggled her way out of her mother’s grip! I hurt for a day, maybe two, sometimes more, but I always come back. I ALWAYS come back to my father. Sometimes kicking, pouting, ashamed, and making promises that I will try and do better next time. God knows I will fail again, we ALL will. But I one thing is for certain: HE LOVES ME ANYWAY.

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face

With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

-Sidewalk Prophets

Jeremiah 31:3

3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.



* I pray for those who mess up daily, who struggle to be around others, unforgiving thoughts, severe anxiety, and those who feel unworthy of God’s love. Remember there is NOTHING we can’t come back from. Let him love you because He Loves You Anyway! In Jesus name.